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This Week In History: Sears Tower Constructed With Bold Challenge To God Engraved On Roof The Onion reflects on the discovery of the first lesbian, the joyous Hindenburg explosion, and the Sears Tower's challenge to God. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: b...
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Behind The Pen: How Marriage Works Onion editorial cartoonist Stan Kelly is one of the world's top opinion-makers. He gets up close and personal in this new video series. See the cartoon, Holy Matri-Mon...
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Obama Win Causes Obsessed Backers To See How Empty Lives Are The revelation that Obama's candidacy was the only thing that gave their lives any meaning has caused many supporters to wander aimlessly, unsure of what to do with th...
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Breaking News: Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere Excruciating up-to-the-minute coverage of some irrelevant bullshit story that has no ramifications whatsoever.
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Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized The parents of 13-year old Caitlin Teagart have decided to end her life, saying she can now do nothing but lay on the couch and whine about things being "gay." Subscri...
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12-Year-Old Boy Scouts Offer To Give Breast Exams Two prospective Eagle Scouts explain how they are preventing breast cancer by helping women examine their breasts.
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'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Made Into Feature Film Fans are worried that the feature film adaptation of the beloved trailer won't live up to the original 90-second story's vision. More coverage at: onion.com
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'9/11 Conspiracy Theories Ridiculous' - Al Qaeda An Al Qaeda representative says that claims the US government was behind the attacks on Sept. 11th are demeaning to Al Qaeda. More coverage at: onion.com
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Supreme Court: Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass' Despite arguments against capital punishment, the Justices overwhelmingly approved its use, especially if they get to participate in some executions.
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Domino's Tests Limits Of What Humans Will Eat Despite ethical concerns about testing on humans, researchers say their work was necessary to determine the boundary between garbage and food.
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Woman Sets Record For Longest Amount Of Time Spent Talking About Oneself Today Now! welcomes Linda Johnston, the inspiring woman who made history by talking about herself continuously for over fifty hours. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube:...
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Al Qaeda Attacks Internet With Photo Of Adorable Piglet Full coverage tonight at 10/9c only on IFC TV. The irresistibly cute photo was forwarded millions of times before servers collapsed. Original photo: yfrog.com
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How to Charge an iPod using electrolytes and an onion In this episode we show you how to charge your iPod (or other mp3 player) for up to 20 minutes using electrolytes derived from Gatorade or Powerade which are then stor...
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Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful To Monkeys Repeatedly stabbing monkeys with sharpened objects may have an adverse effect on their health, according to a new study. More coverage at: onion.com
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Should The Government Stop Dumping Money Into A Giant Hole? With the economy sliding deeper into a recession, panelists discuss whether it's time to stop throwing our money into a massive pit out in the desert.
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Pretend You Give A Shit About The Election Our morning show's political correspondent offers tips on how you can seem informed about politics without picking up a single newspaper.
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Romney's Super Tuesday Polls Surge After He Begins Flaunting His Wealth Instead of downplaying his millionaire status, Mitt Romney is now wearing fur coats and gold chains. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebo...
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How to Chop an Onion Onions can lend a sweet distinct undertone to many soups, sauces, and stews. For more great videos check out: www.goodhousekeeping.com More from the World of Good Hous...
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Are We Giving Robots Too Much Power? Panelists discuss whether controversial decisions by the Robot Congress and President Executron indicate robots have too much control over our lives. More coverage at:...
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Pop Star's Single, 'Booty Wave', Most Likely Civilization's Downfall Multi-millionaire pop sensation, K'ronikka, appears on Today Now! completely unaware that she is responsible for the deterioration of civilized society. Subscribe to T...
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